Recently as I sat waiting for the traffic light to change, a bumper sticker on a black SUV in front of me caught my attention. It read, “The more I know about men, the more I love my dog.” As the light changed and I drove way, I couldn’t help wondering what had happened to cause this sentiment. 

Granted, few of us survive any relationship totally unscathed. We often carry baggage from our childhood into adult relationships. I remember when I was growing up my mother instilled in me at an early age to watch how I carried myself around boys as they only wanted one thing.   Since I was only eight at the time, I wasn’t really clear what that one thing was. And, I was afraid to ask for fear it would lead to ‘the talk’ – again. So, for a long time I was very circumspect around boys, and much later, men.

Loosely quoting that ‘ole school’ song that goes, “you can’t keep running away from love because the first one let you down” sadly has become a self-fulfilling prophesy for both men and women today. So okay, our old love didn’t understand our need for independence, our love of shoes, or like the fact that occasionally we like to eat crackers in bed. It does not mean that our new love won’t. Hey, lying on a few crumbs once and awhile may not be a huge thing on the new man’s relationship scale. He might feel that it is worth it to lie next to you. And, just because past loves hurt us, doesn’t mean that a new one will do the same. 

So many women are so used to a man being no good that they’ll anticipate this before they have any reason. Some will look for, then focus on the negative things that he does. Often they don’t even realize that they are doing it. But, because they have gone through so much in the past, they’ve internalized these fears so it’s often difficult to break the cycle. Continuing to bring old baggage into a new relationship will eventually weigh it down, and eventually destroy it.
What women learn from those past relationships should be the only things brought into a new one. They should also be aware of so-called well intentioned friends. While these individuals usually know very little about the issues in their friend’s relationship, they will often encourage friends to continuing someone for the wrong reasons. They may say something like this, “Girl, he is fine (meaning good looking), he drives an Escalade and owns a timeshare.” However, it’s important to recognize that some of these individuals may be carrying baggage of their own when it comes to their obsession with material things. Still, recognizing the fact that not every man is like past loves often can take time.  Recognize that your new man isn’t the one whom hurt you in the past. 

Alas, a block away from my destination another bumper stick caught my eye. This one said, “I have PMS and I’ve got a gun.” Wow! Got baggage?