I am not a whiner by nature. No really… Actually it is not even whining per say. It’s just when my unusually high threshold for stupidity goes into low gear and things start to pluck on my last, one good nerve, that my husband says that I start to whine. 
Things like SPAM. No, not the mystery meat that recently I had such a serious Jones for, that I purchased a can at Kroger, opened it up and pan-fried it to a light crispness. I then slapped it on some white bread and well, what can I say? Heaven. 

I know, I know. You are thinking not only does she whine, but she also has an affinity for preservatives and grease. But I digress. The SPAM that I am speaking of are e-mails that seemingly multiply like dust bunnies on my computer screen as fast as I can click them away. This is even after my husband supposedly installed some type of mechanism to filter; even eradicate them. 

Daily, there are ads for Blue Gel to ease achy joints; some remedy to forever banish hair on your upper lip; or some ad for ‘enlargement’ of body parts. This one boldly proclaims bigger is better. I say it depends on what body part we are discussing. Sometimes bigger is just bigger, especially if we are talking hips and say, feet. Recently on the heels of this e-mail was one that promised to show me how to ‘shank my bogey’. I think this is a golf term, but since I don’t play golf, I am not sure. 

It’s a constant challenge to zap away ads on low-interest rates, or e-mails that skirt pornography laws, where Tiffany asks if I want to see her and her girlfriend naked. No, thank you Tiffany I don’t. I have my own issues. One day at work a questionable e-mail popped up that I immediately tried to delete. However, I must have hit some other button, because suddenly the enlarged image filled my computer screen. Flustered, I cut the entire computer off without properly shutting it down for fear that ‘Big Brother’ was watching and I’d be fired for looking at inappropriate stuff on the job. And I don’t know about you, but I am so sick and tired of that Nigerian who supposedly has large sums of money and needs my help to get it released. Who is their right mind would fall for this? 

Lastly, don’t be fooled by vendors who ask for your e-mail address so that they can keep you informed about the status of your purchase. Too late I realized this is just another ploy to get you to buy more stuff. You know, no shipping and handling on your next purchase of just 150.00 more. Or take 30% off the item of your choice on your next order. Now, you have to admit that all of this is enough make a grown woman whine. Still if my whining annoys you, I can always shank my bogey: if or when I discover what it is.