I’ve never met a shoe that I didn’t like. And unlike my past relationships with say, chocolate or — men, my love affair with shoes has remained steadfast over a lifetime. Having a relatively small foot, so others claim I’ve often been able to find really cute shoes. 

In her groundbreaking work with the terminally ill and her subsequent book, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross describes five distinct stages which not only affect those terminally ill, but people in general who deal with grief, tragedy or change. However, these same stages are also transferable to other personal challenges as well. 

As a student of the human condition I have often recognized these same roller coaster emotions in those who have been affected by bad news, or some other emotional upset. I have even experienced these emotions myself. More often than not, I seem to experience them when shopping for shoes.

For example, shock sets in I or a friend discover the perfect shoe. This is often followed on the heel (no pun intended) by denial. (They can’t have sold out all the size 8s, we think) which leads to our asking the clerk if it is possible that there is a size 8 in the back. The denial stage lingers — when we try on a size 7 1/2 that we know is too small. Toes all scrunched up like fists inside the closed-toe shoe, is one indication. Big toe dragging through the mud in an open-toed shoe or your heel overrunning the back of a backless shoe by two inches is another. We then put friends on the spot by asking them if the shoe is too small. Upon told the truth, anger follows.

We are angry that the store has run out of our size. Then we are angry that our BFF (best female friends in text talk) are truly our friends and won’t allow us to leave the store with too-small shoes, inviting the ridicule of ‘mean girls’ who have grown up to become mean women.

Bargaining, or testing follow next. I would even call this rationalization — before reality kicks in. You think once you trim your toe nails that the shoes might work, followed by depression — because the color is perfect for that dress you bought to wear to a party where you suspect your ex will also be in attendance. Finally, you accept that the shoe won’t work and that you may have to visit several more stores to find the perfect shoe. Alas, you are willing to make the sacrifice. 

Navigating through life is often like hunting the perfect shoe.  Sometimes we get stuck in one cycle. Some people never seem able to get past the anger stage, repress it, or keep it bottled up for long periods of times until one day they explode. Others seem unable to accept the evitable, thus they are unable to move on. Perhaps Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross summed it up best when she said, “learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.”