I was born without the faux (false) gene. That is, I don’t do well with things that I wasn't born with. I’ve never had luck with wigs or fake fingernails. The wigs always looked like well--wigs. That I somehow always seemed to wear them crooked I think gave them away. 

Once I tried wearing false eyelashes. A friend told me that she thought that I would look cute in them, so of course I had to try them. She showed me step by step how to apply them and I could have sworn that I followed her directions to the letter. I combed them out.  I ran a thin line of glue on the ends before pressing them to my eyelid. I let them set for five minutes, instead of two for good measure. I lined them with an eyeliner pencil. This step was meant to make them look 'natural.' I got make-up in my eye. Then they started to water and I had to wait until I could see again. Alas, after a couple coats of mascara, a turn with the eyelash curler I finally had the ‘come hither’ look that my friend swore would beckon cute guys to me. 

I decided to wear them to a party that night. The ‘come hither' look must have worked as a cute guy asked me to dance. Suddenly my vision became blurred. I thought that it was because I wasn’t wearing my glasses, which I needed. But that would have ruined my ‘look.’ To my horror, one of my false eyelashes had come off, and was now resting on my lower lid. Stopping in the middle of dancing, I ran to the restroom, took off the one, remaining eyelash and threw them both into the toilet and flushed. Twice.

False fingernails came next, but one by one they too disappointed me. Once by popping off and landing in my date’s lap. However he was a gentleman. He simply plucked it off his lap, handed it to me and continued eating his dinner like nothing had happened.  I tried acrylic nails when they first came out. I liked them as they made my own nails look quite nice.

Recently after a pedicure I decided that a toe ring would complete my look. So I bought one at the dollar store. Back home I put it on the second toe, on my right foot. It sprung off. I tried it again. It sprung off again, only this time one of the cats chased after it and sat on it. I tried a different one. That one worked. My husband was really impressed when I stuck my foot out for him to admire. I could tell from the look on his face.

All these experiences simply reinforce the notion that some things are not for everyone. It can be a hard lesson for many. I think this is the reason that I have no tolerance for people who pretend to be something that they are not. For in me what you see is what you get; nothing more, nothing less.