Is it just me? Or does every time that a woman thinks that she has 'got it going on', something will happen to convince her that this is not the case? Picture this. A couple of weeks ago my husband and I were invited to a friend's wedding. Naturally I had to go shopping. I found the perfect outfit, and some killer shoes. I got my hair done and my eyebrows arched. I got a French Manicure. You know where they paint the tips white. I figured that if I nibbled a piece of French toast, darned a pair of French-cut panties, I'd be all set if or when I ever got to France. 

However by the time that I got home, the humidity had grabbed a hold of my new hairdo, turning it into a frizzy mop on the top of my head with some straight pieces dangling on the sides for good measure. My feet were so swollen from shopping that my toes looked like plump, Vienna sausages. I had to soak them for fifteen minutes before I could even get my new shoes on. Murphy’s Law, if anything can go wrong by golly it will.

Then there was the time that I was wearing a pair of slacks that seemed to fit just right. Dark in color, they caressed my hips and thighs all in the right places. So in love with the way that I thought I looked that nobody could tell me a thing, I went to work. It was around 3:00 in the afternoon that I got up from my desk and for some reason glanced down, only to do discover that I was wearing them inside out. Thank goodness I had no meetings scheduled for that day and I had spent most of it in my office.

I am not normally paranoid. But I am starting to wonder why these things always happen to me. As a student of Feng Shui, I suspect that these mishaps are creating havoc with my chi. However my chi is still struggling to understand that Ying and Yang thing, so refuses to get sucked into my drama.

It goes and on. There was the time that I was invited to my goddaughter’s going away luncheon when she decided that practicing criminal law was well, criminal, and decided to practice another kind. That morning while nibbling a toasted bagel with jelly, a tiny drop of jelly fell on the mango blouse that my colleagues said made may face glow. Fortunately my bosom were there to catch it, for who knows where that jelly would have ended? 

During lunch I spilled water on my blouse. The jelly was lonely. Then the woman on my left spilled food on herself. The woman to my right however seemed annoyed when I told her that she had spilled food on the eyeglasses that hung from a chain around her neck. Could be she had planned to save it for later. By the end of the meal we had decided to form a club for women who should never leave home without a bib.

Recently after a pedicure I decided a toe ring was just what I needed to complete my look. Purchasing one I put it on the second toe of my right foot. It immediately sprang off. I tried a second time. It sprang off again. This time one of the cats chased after it.

Mainly these things are harmless, if not embarrassing. The confidant me tries to take it in stride. However the crazy woman who lives inside of me, thinks that it is some sort of conspiracy, dreamed up by men. I tune her out, as I don’t even want to get her started. I tell myself that the things that happen to me can happen to anyone. I keep telling myself this. It keeps me sane.