(Nirvana as you know means the feeling of peace, bliss, calmness) I think that the things that I write about speaks of life and how life might be perfect expect for something we percieve that would make it so) Like Satin Sheets for example. If I only had some satin sheets I thought my life would be perfect.  Then I had a chance to try some and it wasn't what I thought.. the same could be true or money, new shoes, a new hair weave, etc. smile

Once upon a time only royalty could afford the sensual elegance of silk and satin sheets. So my being a princess, at least in my own mind, I longed for some. In my mind’s eye I saw myself reclining in a 'glamour shot' pose on red or black satin sheets. In this picture I would be wearing a beautiful peignoir like those women on Dynasty and Melrose Place. Lying next to me would be my spouse gazing lovingly into my eyes. In my fantasy, there would be no potato chip or cracker crumbs from my spouse eating snacks in bed, or cat hair, like in real life.

This fantasy came true when my husband and I returned to the states after having spent three years in Okinawa with the Air Force. We accepted an invitation to spend a few days with friends in San Francisco, before heading to our new duty station. Like most, our hosts gave up their bedroom, where the lady made up the bed with a brand new set of red satin sheets straight out of the package. How had she known about my fantasy?

Giddy with anticipation I jumped into the shower with my thoughts on what lay ahead. I imagined us holding each other close bathed in the afterglow of lovemaking so good that afterwards the neighbors on both sides of the condo had a cigarette. Unfortunately this is where fantasy and reality collided; big time. It started with his pillow sliding to the floor with a skidding sound. My pillow followed next.

You've heard of Kungfu fighting? This was more like Kungfu lovemaking. Ouch!  The sheets felt like ice against my warm flesh. POW! There went my elbow to his ribs when I reached out to hug him. My so-called sensual kiss missed his mouth all together and we ended rubbing noses.  I have heard that this is the way that Eskimos do it; and hey to each his own. This was not part of my fantasy.

During one point in our 'love dance', I must have made a move that my spouse must have interpreted as sexy. For I watched the hazel in his eyes change like it does those times. In reality I was trying for a position that I hoped would keep me from flying across the bed. For I don't care what others think, falling out the bed on my head is not considered foreplay, at least not to me. 

Then my leg cramped up. He had to help me rub it out. Needless to say, we got no sleep that night or anything else. I laid in one spot most of the night, fearful that I might fall out of bed at any given time if I moved. We both woke up looking like something one of our kitties had dragged in. Thank goodness, I had not bought those sheets as I suspect they would have ended as the prettiest satin curtains that people had ever seen in my guest bathroom.

I have discovered that each stage of life brings with it its own set of expectations. The texture of love is no exception. Sometimes its satiny smooth; full and rich like the deepest chocolate. Other times love is as rough and rocky as the tide. I still recall the bedroom gymnastics of our youth, and from time to time we revisit them, if for nothing else to prove to ourselves that we can, after three decades of marriage. Still best kind of relationship for most is soft and tender the kind one gets from someone familiar and dear. Much like cotton or flannel, it's natural and durable. 

So as we indulge ourselves with fantasies, we are reminded that everything that looks good, often times is not. At long last we take comfort in the knowledge that it is okay to be cotton percale, or even flannel, in a satin sheet world.