HAPPY NEW YEAR! Unlike years past I am not setting myself up for failure by making new years’ resolutions, only to break them less than 24 hours later. No more vows to lose 25 pounds in a week. Even I know that is unrealistic. No more vowing to exercise 7 days a week or vowing to never again eat chocolate for breakfast. Instead, I propose to embrace lessons
learned, some albeit painfully. So here goes:

1. I vow never to wear a cheap or unfamiliar brand of panty hose to work or when running a business errand. The moment that I felt a strange movement under my dress I knew that something was amiss. After all I was alone, in the middle of an extremely busy Atlanta street. Still it took a minute before I realized what was happening: that the waistband of my
panty hose was rolling down my waist --- literally coiling itself into a nylon rope with every step I took. Horrified when I figured out what was happening, I tried nonchalantly to put one hand on the rope/roll--- which by now was approaching mid thigh. I must have looked a sight walking down the street with my hand on my thigh, but the picture I saw in my mind’ eye
was far worse.

2. I vow to ‘test-drive’ a new hairdo for weather strength before going out in the rain; Or to least keep some hair pins handy to pin up said hair if I do. 

3. I promise not to hate, (talk about or bad mouth) other women whose hairstyles hold up in the rain, or those who appear to lose 25 pounds in one week. but rather to emulate.

4. I promise to always check my feet before leaving the house: to be sure that my shoes match. Don’t ask.  This is especially important if you have several pairs in the same color.

5. I promise to try to remember to remove my panty hose from the freezer after 10 minutes. I left mine in there for 2 days. Supposedly the cold keeps them from running. They might have remained in there much longer had my husband not reached in there to get a steak and found them caressing a T-bone.

6. To never eat grape jelly while wearing a mango blouse, or wear anything if you are prone to spilling like me. Eating nude is not for the faint of heart, but think of the savings on dry cleaning.

7. Lastly, I vow to try on toe rings only when my kitties are napping. Not long ago I decided that a toe ring was just the thing to accent my brand new pedicure. I purchased one at the Dollar Store and tried to put it on.  It sprung off and rolled across the room. I tried again. It sprung off again, only this time one of the kitties chased after it--- and sat on it.  Trust me; embrace these keys to survival and you are on your way to a happy new year and--- you.