I love scarves. Well, put this way I love scarves on other women. Apart from their use as headwear, scarves can be quite versatile in many ways. Scarves can add a splash of color to an otherwise drab-looking garment. With so many shapes, colors, and patterns available, one is only limited by imagination and the nimbleness of little fingers. 

There are also a number of looks when one is feeling well—scarfy. I’ve seen scarves worn as belts, neckties, blouses, halter tops and even skirts. There is also the long tie, the neck wrap, the bandana wrap, the ascot wrap, the two-shoulder wrap and the side-knotted belt—all which are actually scarves. Scarves can also be knotted and worn in many ways and may also secured by a pin to for added elegance. 

Fashion experts set us up with statements that tease us into believing that scarves are not the enemy that they are to many of us. You’ve seen the teasers: 100 unique ways to turn your scarf into a fabulous fashion accessory! Perk up your wardrobe with scarves! Add a scarf: reinvent your image with very little investment! 

For some reason my scarves never look on me the way that they look on others. So recently I bought a book that showed 12 different ways to tie and wear a scarf. Surely this was the answer. The instructions confused me from the start. You know: tie both ends together and bring the left end over the right end and tuck it counter-clockwise. Say what?  I called myself following the instructions to the letter. I untied it and started over again from the beginning. The end result was a scarf looked like it was done up by someone on crack.

Maybe it’s the style of scarf that’s causing me problems, I think. Was an oblong scarf more amendable to a hand that was all thumbs or was a square one? Could the design be the culprit? Was the scarf with stars causing to see, well — stars? Was the plaid one making me dizzy? Was the one sporting giant flowers of every hue causing my fingers to act like they were tiptoeing through the tulips?

One day I wore one that looked passably like one in the book. I was quite pleased with the way that it accented my mango-colored blouse. You couldn’t tell me that I was not looking good. Then I attempted to get up from my desk. That’s when my scarf quickly turned on me — and started to choke me. Somehow it had gotten caught in my desk drawer. Eyes now bugging out and starting to water, I somehow wrestled it out of the drawer before keeling over. Another time, my scarf ended up in my soup at lunch. 

So what’s a fashion diva do when her scarf tries to kill her? Well if you are me, first you throw out the scarf book. Then you tie your scarf the best that you can, perhaps add a pretty jeweled pin and sash-shay on about your business.