Simply stated, I fix things. No, I’m not particularly handy with tools. I barely know a socket wrench from a crescent one. When in doubt about how to repair something I first reach for duct tape. If that doesn’t work, I have been known to whack a nail with a hammer in a hot minute. However, for as long as I can remember I have always been the person that folks came to for help with problems. As the eldest of two girls this role became a natural. As have my past lives as a soldier, mental health counselor and administrator.

Fix-it people always try to help others. Mention that anything is wrong and the fix-it person goes straight to work. Tell me that you have a fungus on your big toe or that you are suffering male pattern baldness and you are female, and every remedy that I have ever heard of flows from my mouth like a river. And as much as I hate to admit it I have been known to take over. 

For example my husband has come home several times lately complaining about all the meetings that they have on his job. Every day, there are two, three or more. They sometimes meet to discuss having a meeting, he laments. With all the meetings they have, his To-Do list continues to grow. As a retired serviceman used to getting things done, this drives him crazy.
I suggest that he speak to his boss about all the useless meetings. He tells me that he has.  Then I suggest that he remind her about the deadlines that she has given him to get things done that are rapidly approaching, for example, the end of the month or the end of the fiscal year, with all the reports and budget issues those deadlines incur. Been there, done that, he says.

Okay, I realize that the lens that fix-it people look through is often different from others. And personally I have little tolerance for poor leadership, lack of consideration for others and procedures that creates needless stress on everyone. Still the more suggestions I make, the more agitated he appears to get-- with me. Which does not seem fair as I am only trying to help, I think. It dawns on me that I am more upset about the meetings then he is. So I stop and exhale. For frankly I’ve done all that I can. This is his problem and he’ll have to find a way to deal with it. Or not.

Yet while I have this tendency to try and heal hurts in others, I find it difficult to ask for help myself. Perhaps it is because I was taught not to expect others to fight my battles. Or that when it is all said and done the only one that you can depend on or change, is you. So where does the fix-it person go?  Well, if you’re me, you release yourself and your problems to a much higher power. And no, I don’t mean duct tape.